Wacky Prozacky

Well hell.
I think i am going through a "social" phase. this is ridiculous. I don't ever remember going through phases until the last 4 years or so, and now all of a sudden, i have divided these periods into phases.
anyways, i am such a hermit (a very happy hermit, i might add) that when i get in a social phase i think people don't know how to act.
i have a tendency to ignore (but not in a hateful way) people for the most part. i will always respond, but tend to fail to initiate any contact with anyone.
then i hit a social phase, and i call people, facebook, try to get out and visit or whatever; get away from bob n the kids, etc. usually i am successful. but i have been off work all week, my sis in law hasn't been responding to me, (oh just let me get started oon that!) and it's put me in a hell of a mood. i am trying really hard not to take it out on bob, but its very difficult. he's just there in the way of my pms attitude. but it's not PREmen. syn. cuz i just got done last week. it's maybe Postms lol
now about my sil; she lived an hour away, and we got along great. especdially when my other sil (her sis) and i fell out. she pissed everyone off, so it was like bren and i had something in common.
then bren had to move to my city. i was sooooo excited! i thought i was finally getting someone to hang with, that relly new me. she was like my best friend anyways, i thought this was going to be awesome!
then she moved here, and is using rae for the "free" apartment and whatever else rae can do for her, and i feel left out. bren and i haven't hung out for the 2 weeks she's been in town, at ALL. she doesn't even callme, except for once.
but now all of a sudden she is hanging out with rae, they talk, she's been having coffee with her, and their kids are playing a lot, having sleepovers. this really kinda pisses me off, cuz i feel left out. now i have the reasonable part of my head that says who gives a flying frack, they are sisters and grew up together and of course they are going to take this chance to reconnect.
but it still pisses me off a little. and my feelings are hurt.
i will get over it, but i just don't understand why it's so hard for an adult (me) to make friends at this age. i think something is wrong with me. ima freak.
maybe i need some drugs.
for real; everyone else is on them these days. am i depressed? are these swings normal???
i just had to get this off my chest. bob told me to fuck'em. lol pardon my language today.
but sometimes nothing else expresses quite like them.

this is me trying to dump this garbage.

have a good week, in case i withdraw and don't write on here for a few.

my bad attitude

i went to doc wed. i have been having pain in my wrist/hand/arm and was scared that i was developing carpal tunnel. No carpal tunnel, thank goodness! I have radial neuritis; he told me to take off until monday, and gave me prednisone (a steroid for the inflamation). i hope this takes care of it! i am left handed, and use that hand so much at work. scissoring, clippering, blow drying...and i don't think i could work part time making this much money. i make almost as much as bob does and he works full time. (on a side note, this is going to screw up how much i make this year; i try to beat every year by at least a little; at this rate i will be lucky to make as much as i did last year!)

the down side of being at home "resting" my wrist is that i am bored to tears. there is only so much you can do on facebook! i called my sil to see if she wanted to hang out today, cuz we haven't done anything since she moved back to the fort, but she said she might be busy. she wouldn't tell me what she was doing. i hate it when people are secretive.
i was watching steel magnolia's last night, and the end when sally fields was at the funeral, i was so wishing i had a big group of close friends like that! it sucks having no one i can really be myself around. i thought me and sheila could be close, but she gets on my nerves a little. *sigh* she's just very materialistic; i am sooooo not into that! and bren is hanging out a lot with rae (her sister who used to be my best friend before she went mental and dissed me) and i know that they are sisters, but bren used to talk bad about her all the time! now i see her kissing her ass of facebook. *bitching here* and rae got her hair cut- this just KILLS me because when i hacked mine off, she said something that really bothered me and if we hadn't been in church at the time, i would've knocked her out. she said-oh you got it cut short cuz sheri (my stepmom) did! gee, maybe i should go out and cut mine too! and now, her hair looks exactly like mine!!! grrr!!!!
as you can tell, i have some bitterness built up. i keep trying to get over it, but it just keeps coming back! her and gabby's mom, i just have a really hard time not being bitchy about, and wanting to use my car as a weapon against them...

deep breath.

ok. well, i finally got a laptop. i LOVE it!!! i have started writing on it! i have always wanted to write a book, but all the dialogue is a pia to me. and every time i would try, i would always go back and scrap it. this time, i have started with just a short story. i wrote for about an hour yesterday! baby steps, right???
my problem is that i always want to try stuff, but i don't always stick with what i start. like i wanted to quilt; till i picked up some quilting books. it's complicated! idk if i would have the patience for it!

hmmm...guess that's about it for now. i figured since i am so bored, and housework doesn't sound like fun, that i could update this a little more often.
have a great weekend!

:-)

honey, i'm home!!!

wow. haven't been blogging much at all!
i just get so busy, and updating everything that's happened in the interim is a daunting task.

let's see....

got back from seeing my mama in TN. that was.....exhausting. see, she lived with us a few years back and she had to leave some stuff here. she got a big disability check (shhhh...it's on the hush hush) and asked if we would bring it back if she reimbursed us. so we did. i wanted to visit so many places, and people too; but we just didn't have time. we just went to forbidden caverns cuz bob has never been caving. we also went to bass pro shops, cuz he has never got to do that either. (i know, hideous grammar-sue me)

so that was fun. just a little side note-my mom's boyfriend is so super annoying and i'm glad we live states away. i know. they did ask us if we would consider moving down there, but there is no work for bob. and i want my kids here-by their grma and grpa winans and grma girton. they (we) have more family here.

but TN was beautiful, and i was a little homesick looking at it. i also drove past the house i lived in. it's so different looking, and the whole neighborhood looks rundown. it was a little sad. jama's house wasn't there anymore either. i only know cuz i went to see my aunt and uncle and they live close to there. that was also a little sad; we had written all kinda of stuff on her wooden fence, and in the empty house across the street. (gone)
i guess time marches on, eh??

subject change.
i think i have carpal tunnel. (sp?) my left hand, wrist, and arm hurt so badly. been bothering me for about a week now. think i'm gonna have to visit the dr. this is scary cuz i'm left handed, and grooming dogs i use that hand a LOT! so pls pray that i won't have to quit my job or be off a long time or have surgery; i just can't afford that. oh, speaking of afford, i do think we are going to declare chptr 13 bankruptcy. total bummer, but at this point idk what else to do. we are being sued by 2 diff. people, and this will stop suits, garnishments etc. and i am a firm believer of u do what u gotta do, and screw anyone who looks down on you for it.

my kids are good. josh has a cough still, but nothing major. knock on wood. he has 2 more dentist apts. to go to. he had 2 teeth pulled and spacers put in. i guess he wasn't brushing as well as i thought. makes no sense, cuz that kid brushes constantly. dentist told me i had to start doing it cuz he wasn't doing a good job and that led to the decay.
they all made great grades; josh reads at 3rd grade level (he's in first) and kae's reading was off the charts and the;y put her in an advanced group. gabby did ok- first d ever while living with us. we were not happy!!! (btw her mom is a huge pain in the ass still) lara got all a's and b's.

well, think that's about it. i'll try to be better about updating, but u know how it is!

right now i am digging born again by third day with lacey from flyleaf. give it a listen sometime.
later gator.