an R rated post

first and foremost, i can't believe that Victoria is recast in Eclipse! why couldn't they have recast Bella??? Kristin is just not the Bella i pictured....
I know it's due to scheduling conflicts, but come on! the movies gave her some fame and recognition; i guess she feels she should capitalize on that, idk..

alright, now for some complaining.

i hate Bob's meds. i know he needs them, but that seroquell (however you sp it) knocks him OUT! he falls asleep in his chair and we don't get the time together we used to. and i'm talkin booty time too. i have to catch him before he takes it, or i can just forget it. we used to have "relations" (lol) at least once a day. now it's only like 3 times a week! so, what is worse? him being uptight and grumpy, or no sex??? sometimes i think i need to go to the doc to get on something myself, for stress.

speaking of stress, idk if i was meant to have all these kids. i mean, they are here so God obviously meant for them to be, but they are a lot to handle. Bob and I are constantly stressed out; there is always some kind of conflict. whether it's the older girls getting in fights or the whole boy situation, or josh and kae fighting or just getting in trouble, there is always something. things have calmed a bit since Lara went to live with her dad, (she couldn't deal with our rules, so she goes to dad's and her gma buys her whatever she wants, new cell phone and clothes the very day after she moved out. arrrrgggggh!) but we still have a lot of drama with Gabby. She lies all the time, she shirks her chores, she is SO MEAN to mikaela, she starts fights with everyone she comes in contact with. maybe i should write out the back story.

Bob got Angie (Gabby's mom) pregnant when she was 15. they fought a lot. she called the cops and had him arrested a lot. she eventually cheated on him, and left him. she took gabby and disappeared. bob tried to find her, but of the court would not give an address for her (even tho they had it and it was supposedly illegal for her to leave the state. she was in Georgia) and he couldn't afford a p.i.
we met, i got pregnant. after kae was born we got married. right after i had josh angie calls bob up and tells him he needs to be a dad. like not seeing gabby was his fault. so we take her, and she doesn't know who bob is. she calls two of the guys angie lived with daddy. well, we got into an issue cuz gabby refused to eat anything we had, and angie picked her up and we didn't hear from her. no address, nothing.
years go by. two years ago, angie calls up out of the blue and wants bob to take gabby for a week. he says yes of course. we get her, and she's sweet, but LOUD and obnoxious a little. we send her back, two days later angie calls and wants gabby to live with us for a year. she says she has no job, etc. and can't take care of her. what she doesn't say (but we can put 2 and 2 together) is that her now boyfriend doesn't like gabby. (i should mention that angie never really took care of gabby; she was always shipped off to different relatives. well, those relatives were her mom and aunt, and they both died. angie can't be a parent, so she called bob)
so we say ok, and angie promises us she will send bob the support back that she recieves.
well, we got ONE weeks worth. it stopped coming. we repeatedly asked angie what was going on, she always had some excuse. now we couldn't afford an attorney, so i took things into my own hands and did some research and found that we could file for custody and stopping the support ourselves. so i went and got the papers, made bob take time off work and filed them. (we paid support for gabby while she was living with us for 1.5 years)
we got a court date. the week before court angie shows up at gabby's school and tries to get her. basically kidnap her. but i had been smart and told the school only bob or i was to ever pick her up. the police were called and decided after talking to gabby that she should go home with us.
Victory #1.
now i have to tell you, gabby is one confused girl. she wants her mom, but at the same time knows her mom is not the best thing for her right now. gabby was failing at everything in school, moved constatnly, angie never went to any conferences. gabby's aunt is the one who taught her to read.
but gabby believes all the lies her mom tells her. angie has seen gabby 3 times in 2 years. she lives in ohio. she never called gabby, never answered when gabby called her, etc.
angie made her feel so bad about telling the cops she wanted to stay here, gabby became really crappy with all of us and screamed at her dad that she hated him and wished she was with her mom. that really hurt bob.
i'm pretty sure angie just tried to get gabby cuz her support was gonna be stopped. she didn't even show up to the custody hearing. and she had been ordered to.
so we got custody, support stopped, and asked for angie to pay us back, and pay us support also.
we signed up for the 4 d program, and as soon as she gets a job those wages will be garnished.
oh yeah, she's not worked for awhile cuz she got pregnant by some guy. poor guy will probably end up with the kid. angie also has a son and he lives with his father.
i have a lot of anger when it comes to all of this.
anger at angie is most of it; anger that gabby always acts as if angie is a saint and her dad the bad guy.
gabby has been at her mom's for 2 weeks to stay and visit the baby. she goes on and on about how she doens't want to come home.
i pray all the time that this anger and resentment will leave me; so far i am very bitter still.
i think gabby should be more appreciative. since she's lived here she's had a steady home life, seen me and bob just loving each other to pieces, her grades have been all a's and b's, i go to every conference and take an active role in her education, we do and give all we can for her. but with her it's always about her mom.
i can identify some; my mom left me for my step dad. that's why i moved back to IN. she asked for my forgiveness. of course i gave it. she's my mom. (recently asked)
who knows what would have happened to me if i had stayed. sure, i got pregnant at 17 here, but without my dad's influence it could have been worse!

so that's my gabby story. told you it was long!

i know no one reads this; i don't really want my family reading this. i sometimes need to vent, and it feels really good getting it out without worrying if their feelings will be hurt.

oh, and Amy i totally stole this blog idea from you, so thanks :-) def. cathartic!

i think that's enough for today.

to God all the glory, forever and ever!

here we go again

i am going through one of my low self esteem social phases again. *sigh* i have tons of acquaintances, but just a few close friends. the issue is that the closest person to me is Bob, and sometimes i need to vent About him, not to him. i can usually talk to my bren-a-sis, she is so good to me....but i think my renewed faith freaks her a little. i love her tho; i can't help it if i'm scared that she'll die and go to hell. now, i don't come out and say that to her, cuz really that's between her and God, but i worry. she is such a good person; she stayed with me when Bob had to stay at Parkview, she's been there for me for everything. Bob and I have been through a LOT in our 8 yrs, and she still loves me like a sis.
my other friends that i am getting to know are very much "in the world" and don't get me sometimes (yeah, like that never happens).

now, i am a generally happy person. its not always sunshine and rainbows tho. there are times i want to hit my husband with something blunt. i have actually done this once. with a MaG flashlight. (i ran after i did that one!) most of the time i control myself quite well.

oh, and don't get me started on my children. they are at the point o f summer vacation where nothing i do makes them happy. "there's nothing to do" is the stuff coming out of their mouths.
we are all ready for school to start!

*random jump*
i finally listened to a cd i got at the library. it's called "City on a Hill" and Sixpence None the Richer, Third Day and others are on it. so far i like it :-)

i really hate my internet. stupid contract!!! i can't watch video on it cuz it takes soooo long. and no, it's not dial up.



GAbby comes home friday. i am not ready forgive me Lord. i would elaborate, but i don't feel like it right now. long story.





If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

now i remember why it took me so long to switch insurance companies! such a pia!!!! the good news is that i am going to save over $60 a month.

week two of just having the little ones. they are fighting all the time, making me loco. i have threatened to ship them off more than once!

love love love twilight, but haven't been following newmoonmovie.org due to the fact that i got tired of seeing pics of rob and such at random places. i don't really care about that crap, i just want more about the movie lol! my sis bren and i are anxious to camp out at the theater down the road when it comes out. good times :-)

why is it so diffcult for people to deal with me being a christian???? i am tired of getting the "look" when i state my faith. on a side note, had a good time with the love church last night as they visited Central (my home church). hadn't been able to attend church for the past two weeks so it felt really good to go twice and worship. very powerful presence of God there!
i thank Him for all of my many blessings.

on the friend note-i am such a hermit. enough said. *sigh*

oh, did i mention that i am trying to lose 20 lbs? down 2! yah!!!!

Ramblings of a stressed out mom...

*Grin* well here i am, supper going, my kids quiet for the past 2 min. they have driven me loco today. they just get so wound up! loud and all arms and legs everywhere. i really can't wait for school to start!

just spent last weekend at chain o'lakes state park. we had a lot of fun, even with our neighbors hanging out until after 1 a.m. it's difficult to be around people who have different life values. i hear all the time "oh, i believe in God, i just don't go to church." but i find that they are not living what they supposedly believe. not that i am judging, but i really don't want people cursing around my children and talking about how they are going to steal something or whatever.

but i will remain steadfast; i know i am in the place i need to be.

I have such a wonderful husband; we have been through so much, but i love him more every day.
God has really blessed me!

I am thinking that if i find the harry potter books i will give it a read. (uh oh, magic and witchcraft) if i feel the first book is going to influence me wrongly i won't read anymore.
but i have heard they are great books, and curiosity is getting the better of me.

work tomorrow.....the days off go by so fast!

and hopefully we get to take the older girls to cedar point in aug. praying for good weather and that everything works out!

so until later........